Gratitude 18 February 2026

I'm going to start writing out 5 gratitudes per day again to get back into a postivie mindset. Like I said previously, my mind has been so pessimistic that I jump to the worse case scenario, and I hate that. 

After the argument with my boyfriend last night I feel down. I've been feeling better all week and I was actually looking forward to my future again; getting excited for a birthday road trip which I haven't felt in so long, the excitement I mean. 

I was looking forward to hanging out with my boyfriend, explore a new town and just enjoy the simple things in life again. It has been so hard to enjoy these simple things and I was really happy that I felt a little excitement. But those feelings are now gone. I'm back in my hole of feeling like living is too much. I'm too tired for this life.

Even when I think of road tripping, I feel like I have no energy, it's too much for my brain to take. I don't feel excited anymore, just god damn tired...

I hope one day I can go on a trip and feel excited for it. I haven't done that in a very long time.

Anyway I'm being a sad sop again. See what I mean? My default is sadness. My mind is nothing but darkness, and gloom. I need to break out so I can feel light and happy again. 

1. Ok my first gratitude are my friends. I love my friends, and I should tell them this more often. I often wonder what my life would be like if I didn't have friends. Will I be able to get out of my head, if I didn't have friends who I can talk to and go out with? Perhaps not. 

2. As much as I want to not work anymore, I can't help but be grateful for my job that's providing me with the income I need to sustain my lifestyle and put a roof over my head. I fear of being homeless and this job is what's keep my fear at bay. I also like my role and I wouldn't want to be doing anything else, after all, this was once my dream job that I manifested so hard for. 

3. I mentioned them in every gratitude I've ever written but it'll never be enough. My mum and my baby girl Cherry. They are the threads that keeps me on this earth. When I think about leaving, they're always the ones who I turn my mind to to hold me back. I love them very much and I'm so grateful they will be in my life for many decades to come. 

4. My car, there was a time when driving was my therapy. When I can just start the engine, turn the music up and all my problems washed away. It's not like that now but probably because I can't seem to enjoy the simple things anymore. One day I'll get back there but for now I'm grateful my car takes me places and help make my life so much easier. 

5. I almost forgot to mention, books. I'm so glad I now have so many books to keep me distracted from the world. The endless pages that I can get lost in. I'm so grateful that I have that in my life. Though some may say that I'm distracting myself from the issue but honestly, sometimes your mind just needs a break. No more thinking of my issues and no more thinking of a solution. I just want to get away and live someone else's life, and that for me is in the form of books. 

Wow, I literally can't believe I just wrote all of that. Now let's end it with the usual, thank you thank you thank you.